Realisations....

How about this????

When you realise something, the first emotion that comes to your mind is of absolute numbness. No matter how hard you try to feel something else, it is the one thing that is foremost high. Once upon a long long time, I realised I was in love, irrevocably, irreversibly. The feeling of helplessness accompanied it. I now think back that my realisation of my love was nothing but a child's wish for the moon, without knowing it was never mine to take.Now it feels so childish, that I would have thought that love was love as we know love to be.

Pretty bamboozeling huh???????????

Who would have thought that I would love not once but twice? Not me!!!! When I lost my first love without ever gaining it, I thought it was the end of the world. But, then I fell in love again, when I was trying to build my life out of the rubble leftover from the first disaster. And lost that too, because that never was mine.

Then came the most staggering realisations of all - the love I thought I had, was never love. The that people talk of as universal and for all is not at all that. It is an illusion and it is also a lie. A lie that has been fed to me, through books and through poetry. The love I felt was momentary insanity. The kind that would make you feel you are out of this world.

That Love is the most dangerous. It is the steroid that would give you the strength but would eat up your nerves. It is like the cancer that would spread in your body and then take you down.

Now that I know that I wouldn't love the way it is described in the scribes, I don't feel so... betrayed or that loss.

Maybe that is why Love is such a tricky emotion.....

LOVE anyone?

Have you ever loved a woman? Or is it do you love a woman? Isn't that how the Bryan Adams song goes???

I ask do you love anyone? If yes, how deep do you think your love is, and if no, then way to go man!!! AND let no one question your sanity when you say you don't love anyone.

The fact of the matter is that no one can love anyone. The whole concept of love is questionable. How can you love a person when it takes a life time to know about a person. And since you don't know the person, how can you love a stranger?

And can you love a person who loves another person and that another person loves this person... geez, there are a lot of persons here. 'Three's a crowd.' Ever heard of that adage? It is true, you know, in the above said scenario, there is no place for you. And there is no point in crying over spilt milk. You should know when to quit. Quitting doesn't make you a loser. Think of the gain you would get when you get out this quagmire. You would look as out of place as Shakespeare in a WWF match. And for that matter this person is bound to ask - Why is this happening?

But dears, the answer to that is the million dollar answer.

And HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN YOU LOVE? HOW MANY PEOPLE MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE? AND HOW MANY DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD YOU WANT "FOREVER?" OR WANT YOU FOREVER.

Let me find answers to these questions and I will get back to you.

To Love Thy Country

So when someone read the Constitution, did they think what went through the makers' minds when they wrote the whole thing?
I always think, what exactly is patriotism? Is it to feel offended when someone insults your country, is it to be watching the parade on Republic Day and listening to the president give his annual address to the nation... or is it about loving (again)????

To love something.. in this case the country, to the point of distraction?! Or is it to feel proud as a Nation???

To be able to stand up and say to someone, that "I am an Indian" without feeling ashamed? Maybe maybe not...

But yet at times the whole question of Patriotism is questioned and requestioned within ourselves.

Do You Love Life?

Or so the guidance/ spiritual gurus ask you.

And how do you answer it? Can it always be answered in the affirmative? Can it be answered in the negative?

NO!!!

Right now I do love life. What is there not to love about it? I have friends, I have a family, I have love, and I have little money. But ask me the same question when I have fought with my best friend, or when I am away from my family, or the love has left my life for good - I won't have the same answer.

And moreover, someone has said quite aptly, "The only constant in life is change." And so would our answers to these questions change. Moment to moment. Day to day. But the one fact that all should keep in mind is that no matter what, you can't be loving your life all the time. There are times when you would be wanting a bridge to jump from; a noose to hang from; a bottle of poison to drink from.

And I personally have found out that these thoughts are healthy - Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. These thoughts cleansed my mind. I imagined (vividly I might add) with precision, how the bridge would look like, how the noose would tighten around my neck and how the poison would choke me. Only the final gruesome picture gave me the strength to annihilate the thoughts of death from my subconcious.

Death is something to welcome. Because death brings you the end, there is no other possible alternative to death. It is the end all.

But, the be all of it is life. Life is full of possibilities. Even when you are most desolate, there is always another possible choice. But in death, you lose those possibilities.

That is what scares me - the loss of possibilities. Hence, every time I want to die, I pull back at the last moment - because I realise I would lose the alternatives to Death.

Desires, Ambitions and Passion

Have you ever tried to understand the roles of ambition, desire and passion in your life?
Have you ever thought of what all these words actually mean? Ambition for me is logistics of the emotion called desire. Ambition for me is a degree of desire - something that is stronger than desire.

Ambition, for me, is the logistics of desire. You have a desire, you work out the practicalities of desire and bingo - you got ambition!
So what about passion? Passion is again a degree of desire, but it matches neither ambition nor can it be a synonym for desire. Passionate desire could sound tautological, but for me, it is an adjective for desire, "I passionately desire to have peace of mind." "There is a passionate desire in me to make it big in the glamour world."

Desire, in itself is an emotion that could describe a strong feeling.

But what about describing a strong desire? That is when all these other words come to life.

These words - in combination - do for you what they alone can't do. Give meaning to your communication.