Realisations....
How about this????
When you realise something, the first emotion that comes to your mind is of absolute numbness. No matter how hard you try to feel something else, it is the one thing that is foremost high. Once upon a long long time, I realised I was in love, irrevocably, irreversibly. The feeling of helplessness accompanied it. I now think back that my realisation of my love was nothing but a child's wish for the moon, without knowing it was never mine to take.Now it feels so childish, that I would have thought that love was love as we know love to be.
Pretty bamboozeling huh???????????
Who would have thought that I would love not once but twice? Not me!!!! When I lost my first love without ever gaining it, I thought it was the end of the world. But, then I fell in love again, when I was trying to build my life out of the rubble leftover from the first disaster. And lost that too, because that never was mine.
Then came the most staggering realisations of all - the love I thought I had, was never love. The that people talk of as universal and for all is not at all that. It is an illusion and it is also a lie. A lie that has been fed to me, through books and through poetry. The love I felt was momentary insanity. The kind that would make you feel you are out of this world.
That Love is the most dangerous. It is the steroid that would give you the strength but would eat up your nerves. It is like the cancer that would spread in your body and then take you down.
Now that I know that I wouldn't love the way it is described in the scribes, I don't feel so... betrayed or that loss.
Maybe that is why Love is such a tricky emotion.....
posted by Hedonisia @ 6:55 PM
2 Comments:
Love is momentary insanity after all!! You see I once had a discourse on whether one really falls in love is it just the whole idea of being in love that is so conditioned by everyhitng around us that makes us be in love with the idea of love than with a person. I think it is just the whole idea of love which is simply overrated & not that it doesn't exist, but...not so plentiful as we think it does.
i claim to have been in love n number of times...but now i can call them all sorts of names like one was mere childishness, another was mistaking friendship for love (which stays through all 3-4cases) and the third was an obsession, 4th was a complete comfort zone...fifth is shear sin...so on & so forth! my definition of love does not go with yours for sure so it being a universal feeling is also completley ruled out...its existance is truly questionable!!
To avoid that kind of disillusionment where you have to decide to live in a world where you believed love was all, the non-existance of it is too much to handle for a feeble heart or a strong mind. So i believe love is just momnetary insanity...the momentary part of it is well as long as you want be in love with a particular person...could be momentary for a month, few months, few years...or an eternity!
Recently my friend told me about soemthing she had read somewhere, she doesn't remember the author nor do i know of her/him. But this author says, love is the putting together the narratives of 2 people by themselves. that evening in the garden, that night at the restaurant, that moment in the movies, that same book we chose, that same song we sang together, so on so forth! these narratives when put together have n number of points that coincide & then when u decide a number of those points have coincided, u drive yourself to falling in love with each other.
Take it or leave it!
need is not transitive..one might need without obeing needed
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